sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize