So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
