I wish life had little blips of pornography
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize