Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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