yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
