I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
