Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize