Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
