either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
