So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
