So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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