I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
