y did u give ur computer a hand job?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
