At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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