woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
