also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
