I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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