if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
