We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
