This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
