remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
