hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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