dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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