Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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