Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
