I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
