I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
