just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
