i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
