Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
