Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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