i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm way too hungover for life right now
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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