...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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