1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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