Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
