i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
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