areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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