i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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