Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
