I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize