I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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