My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
