you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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