Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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