I saw his package. It spoke to me.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She told me I should be a condom model.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
