Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize