I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
