This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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