I will die if light touches me.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
