Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
