she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
