Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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