party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
