So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
we're making bets on your personal life
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
This baby is an asshole
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize