dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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