sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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