just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
