I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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