i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
