I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
