i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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