My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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