Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
