oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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