You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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